Every Piggy
by Medie
Summary: cause every Piggy needs her Kermie and every Winnifred needs her Krevlorneswath


Title: Every Piggy...  
  
Author: M.  
  
Feedback: Sure!  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Pairing: Fred/Lorne  
  
Characters: Fred and Lorne  
  
Spoilers: None really.  
  
Disclaimers: Angel? The show? Not mine. Fred? Nope. Lorne? Nope. But...nevertheless, I borrowed 'em. Whee! ;-p  
  
Summary: Cause every Piggy needs her Kermie...  
  
Author's Note: Oh boy do I hope this is what was meant by Fred/Lorne. ;-p  
  
thanks to azarsuerte and angelsgracie for taking a look at this for me. ;-p  
  
"Every Piggy..."  
  
by M.  
  
-------------  
  
When most little girls are dreaming of their perfect guy, they don't usually envision guys with green skin. Well, not unless they're Miss Piggy or something . . . and even then, why's a pig dreaming about a frog?  
  
Fred didn't dream about green skin either. She definitely didn't dream about green skin, red eyes and a set of matching horns to boot. She didn't dream about those things then but, as she grew up to discover, there's something to be said for green skin, red eyes, and matching horns. She dreamed about them a lot now . . . especially since that green skin, red eyes, and matching horns came attached to the form of the best significant other/boyfriend ever.  
  
The dreams involving Lorne . . . well . . . they weren't so average. Definitely not something Miss Piggy'd be dreaming about. Well, not unless the Muppets suddenly went NC-17 and somebody forgot to tell Fred.  
  
It's kind of funny, if anyone had ever told her she'd be having sex dreams about Krevlorneswath of the Deathwok Clan, otherwise known as Lorne Greene, she would have laughed herself sick. Maybe even turned a little green herself.  
  
But she did. She had those kinds of dreams a lot.  
  
Then she got the fun part. The part where she got to wake up and act 'em out. Or, even better, being woken up to act them out.  
  
Dating an empath demon definitely had its advantages . . .  
  
Especially empath demons that happen to be cuddlers. And Lorne? Well, he practically defined cuddler.  
  
Fred liked cuddles.  
  
They cuddled a lot. They did a lot of things a lot . . .  
  
When they'd decided that St. Patrick's Day was going to be their 'secret Valentine's Day' Fred couldn't recall but . . . it kind of made sense. After all, Valentine's? All about the red. St. Patrick's Day? All about the green. The connection? Kind of obvious.  
  
It was weird and kinda kooky but then, they pretty much defined weird and kinda kooky. After all, how many super genius girls who've been sucked into hell dimensions and trapped there for years before being rescued by a vampire with a soul and brought back to Los Angeles to fight demons and monsters out of a restored hotel hooked up with refugee demons from the very same hell dimension who left said dimension cause of the fact they'd rather belt out a show tune than belt somebody in the eye? It didn't really happen a lot. Well, at least not anywhere that wasn't Los Angeles. Even Willow had said *that* and she'd lived on a hellmouth for years. If it didn't happen in Sunnydale, it had to be pretty weird.  
  
But, anyway, their Valentine's day was St. Patrick's Day and Fred kinda liked it that way. Cause, as Lorne loved to point out, she looked good in green. Course, Lorne had a bad habit of teasing her about it being the other way around too but that was because she always blushed and he said she was cute when she blushed. So he made her blush a lot.  
  
But that was okay, Fred liked blushing when it was Lorne. She liked the happy look he got. Besides, when he was happy, she was happy and that made it the best.  
  
And with it being their Valentines Day and all, that meant all sorts of fun things. With everyone else celebrating St. Patrick's Day it was real easy for Fred to pull off her plan. It didn't take much to get everything she needed.  
  
It wasn't so easy for her to get it past the others but, she'd managed. It was even harder to keep it from Lorne but she'd managed that too. Course that had meant making sure she hadn't accidentally hummed or sang anything when she was at the apartment and you wouldn't believe how hard that was to pull off. She had an awful habit of humming commercial jingles when she was vacuuming and she liked to vacuum every Thursday morning when Lorne was doing the dishes from Wednesday night when everybody came over for Monopoly night. Well, if everybody didn't have to go and save the world. Demons didn't seem to care that Wednesday night was Monopoly night which, Fred thought, was very inconsiderate of them. But then, they were demons and they were supposed to be inconsiderate so she supposed she shouldn't have been surprised. Not that she was, she'd kind of gotten used to the whole demon hunting thing. She helped do it enough.  
  
But anyway, yeah, she liked to do the vacuuming cause, Wesley and Charles, well they always got into a popcorn fight sooner or later and no matter how hard they tried, they always missed a few and it'd only taken a few bare body parts meeting and crunching kernel incidents for Fred to decide to always vacuum first thing in the morning. Didn't want to have the moment by an ill-timed crunching sound after all. It really did ruin the mood like you wouldn't believe . . .  
  
So, she'd managed not to hum the silly commercial jingles when she was vacuuming and if Lorne had noticed, he didn't say anything. Course, if he had figured it out he wouldn't say anything because he knew she'd worked hard on it and he didn't want to ruin all that hard work for nothing. He was real considerate that way and she thought it was adorable. But then, she thought just about everything he did was adorable. He said the same thing about her. It was a couple thing, she supposed.  
  
With all her hard work and all her planning, she was more than ready come the morning of St. Patrick's Day to pull off her perfect plan but she had one itty bitty problem.  
  
She woke up cuddled in Lorne's arms, his breath coming in light puffs against the back of her neck, and some very interesting, and interested, body parts pressing up in all manner of interesting, and interested, places and that was a problem. Well, it wasn't a *problem* problem. Not unwelcome or anything. In fact, any other morning, she would have loved to wake up to cuddling and sleepy good-morning sex but this was *that* morning. The morning she'd been planning for weeks for. The morning she didn't want to screw up because she wouldn't get a shot at it for a whole year and that was kind of a let down. Worse yet, she'd probably go nutty trying to plan the following year to make up for screwing up that year and she figured the pressure would probably drive her batty. And, if it didn't drive *her* batty, it'd sure drive Lorne there so . . .  
  
She had a problem.  
  
Lying in bed, with Lorne's arms around her, nice Lorne bits pressing up against nice Fred bits, and nice shivery breaths hitting that place on the back of her neck, Fred was finding it very hard to think of a way out of her problem. Worse yet, her resolve to get away from her problem was weakening by the second. One of the benefits of dating an empath demon? They tended to notice that interest even when they weren't so conscious. Well, it was usually a benefit. But not that morning. That morning, well, she needed to be anything but all melty and Lorne was making her all melty what with the little touches and all.  
  
So, as much determination as she could manage, Fred made herself forget all about the nice, shivery things that Lorne was doing with her and focused on the goal. Getting out of bed and *in* to the bathroom where Phase One waited. Phase One was gonna take a while and she needed to get out of bed to get it started before Lorne woke up. If Lorne woke up while she was still in the middle of Phase One . . . well, again, plan ruined and all manner of not fun stuff to follow.  
  
It took very careful wiggling, wiggling in stages even, to slide the happy bits away from each other. Cause, before she did anything she had to think and those bits being anywhere near each other pretty much precluded thinking.  
  
But, with them clear she could think and think she did. It took some careful moving but Fred managed to slip free of Lorne's arms, replacing her body with a strategically shaped lump of blankets and a pillow.  
  
Then, with a triumphant grin on her face she looked down at the sleeping demon and pointed a finger at him, mouthing 'stay' before she crept across the predawn bedroom and into the bathroom to begin Phase One.  
  
Lucky for her, Lorne hadn't questioned when she'd decided to put her hair in the little crinkly causing rollers before they went to bed. They'd planned dinner that night so he knew she'd want to have the fancy hair. That made things easier. It took a little care to remove the little twisty things and replace them with pins to keep the curls up in a nice updo but she managed it. Lessons in hair care from Cordelia hadn't gone astray after all.  
  
Satisfied with her hair she gave it one final pat and then went to work on the next part. That took the longest cause she had to be sure it was all done and done right otherwise it wouldn't *look* right and if that didn't look right then the whole thing wouldn't work. It was kind of the lynchpin of the entire plan and it had to be perfect or everything else just wouldn't be right so she took a lot of care with that.  
  
It took about as long as she'd expected it would and then that left getting her outfit on. Getting the outfit into their place without Lorne noticing it had been the hardest but she'd managed it in fine style by convincing Angel to smuggle it in one Monopoly night.  
  
Course, Angel hadn't known what it *was*. If he had, he'd've probably teased her to no end, he was awful that way, but she'd managed to convince him to bring it in without telling him what it was and then she'd hidden it away in a place Lorne would never bother to look. She'd snuck it into the bathroom the night before and hidden it under the sink behind the many mouthwashes Lorne liked to employ when gargling. He was kinda fanatical about that so it was real easy to hide an outfit behind them. There really were a lot of bottles . . .  
  
Their place didn't have the biggest bathroom in their bedroom so it took some doing to get dressed but when she did, Fred threw on a bathrobe and slipped out of the room and through the bedroom.  
  
Just one thing left and that was breakfast.  
  
What with it being St. Patrick's Day for everybody else and their secret Valentines Day for them, well, that left a pretty obvious color scheme for breakfast, didn't it? Green toast with strawberry jam in the shape of a heart along with a nice fancy café mocha with green whipped cream and red sprinkles.  
  
Putting all of it on a tray with the required red rose, with a nice green stem, Fred was ready.  
  
Shucking off the robe and leaving it in the living room, she picked up the tray, squared her shoulders and marched right into the bedroom, cheerfully singing a silly little song about love.  
  
The funny thing was, after all that trouble to not wake him up, Lorne turned out not to want to wake up anyway. All she got for her little ditty was a mumbled good morning that came out more like a 'mmph' before he rolled over onto his back and slung an arm over his eyes.  
  
Somewhat perturbed, he knew full well what she'd been projecting with that particular little song, Fred put the tray on the bedside table and decided to play dirty.  
  
Lorne woke up in a hurry when he found himself with a lapful of very awake, very wiggly, and very, very green-skinned girlfriend. Opening his eyes wide, he stared. First in shock, then with near stupefied glee.  
  
"You like?" Suddenly feeling a massive attack of the nerves, Fred sat back on his legs and pulled at one of the stray curls that was resting against her shoulders.  
  
Moving carefully so he could see better, Lorne took in the green skin, fake horns and oh-so-very-barely-there costume Fred was wearing. It was sort of like the costume she'd worn when they'd rescued him in Las Vegas but not. She hadn't wanted to bring up bad memories. Just . . . well what she could feel was coming up now. That, *that* she wanted to do.  
  
"Sweet-cheeks . . . " Lorne shook his head in awe. "Sweet-cheeks . . . " He ran his hands down her arms, along the bodice of the green satin costume, and brought them to a rest on her hips. "Fred . . . " He leaned forward, kissing her.  
  
She liked the kiss too. It was her favourite kind. All promising and spine-tingling and hinting at what was to follow very soon thereafter. Not to mention it sorta came with this little empathic boost that made sure she knew exactly how he felt and how much he felt it. Fred loved those kinds of kisses.  
  
But then, she loved every kind of kiss from Lorne. She loved Lorne. Lorne loved her. And on top of all that, "You love it, huh?" She teased, rubbing her artificially green nose against his quite authentically green one.  
  
"Oh you betcha . . . " Lorne grinned back. "Love it, love it, love it . . . "  
  
She smiled, pleased, and squirmed a little. "Good . . . cause . . . " Retrieving the tray, she sat on his legs and smiled again. "It's breakfast time..."  
  
Feeding him breakfast, Fred was sure...there was definitely something to be said for green skin, red eyes, and matching horns and she planned on saying it a lot....very, very loudly. Very, very loudly as often as she could.  
  
After all, just like every Piggy needed her Kermie...every Winifred needed her Krevlorneswath.  
  
Finis 


End file.
